My Views on Service

Some usually find it amusing when they ask me why I do not volunteer to serve, even when I feel that things could be done better, or if I feel that I have a special gifting for a particular ministry. And they find it even more intriguing that I have 2 simple criteria that determines whether I serve: whether I see a need, and whether someone asks me. But why do I hold on to such a stance? And what are my views on service (at least personally)?

To answer this question, I will first describe my growth in this church. I first served in a minor role in a youth camp when I was 14, but I would say I was grossly unsuited for such a role (it was publicity and design), and I didn’t know what I was doing half the time. While that experience was interesting, I wouldn’t say it influenced my views on service much.

But when I turned from 14-15, some interesting things happened. Firstly, our new youth pastor resigned barely a year in. While I will never know the specific reasons why he resigned, what I do know is that when I was 15, especially since a large chunk of the older youths graduated, the youth lost a lot of the vibrancy and leaders it used to have when I was 13-14. And with the lack of a youth pastor, I would say that we lacked spiritual leadership too. I was deeply saddened at that time in this decline, and in the usual youth way, always prayed for ‘revival’ (whatever that means!) in the youth fellowship. But nothing significant happened.

And during that time, we used to have youth fellowship prayer meetings every Saturday. I still remember one Saturday, I was told that my good friend (who was the camp commandant for that year’s youth camp) was grounded indefinitely due to his poor results, and there was no one else to lead that year’s youth camp. And I was asked: was I willing to do it? Truth be told, I saw no way to say no. And I couldn’t bring myself to say no to God. So I took on the job. And what confronted me, just 10 weeks before the camp, was a whirlwind scenario. Almost no work was done, not even a location booked! I had to scramble to reorganize the camp committee, scramble to find a place, scramble to handle the finances, to get the camp to run, all in the short span of 10 weeks. And by God’s grace, everything went fine.

And after that camp, I was then asked to be the youth chairman. Once again, the people asking me seemed to imply that there wasn’t really any alternative to me, that there was no one else. And once again I could not say no. Now, the role of the youth chairman at that time was quite different from nowadays. At that time the youth were very independent as a body, with no YAF advisors to help out, and especially since there was no youth pastor. And not to air dirty laundry, but my deacon in charge at that time was also extremely busy and thus very detached from the running of the youth. As the chairman, for 3 years I had to piece together the spiritual direction of the youth, to plan what talks and what messages to have, to plan events, to get volunteers to run the youth camps, to organize the youth finances, to coordinate with the bible study leaders, you name it, I had to do it. And there was hardly anyone to share the burden with me for the first 2 years. I sometimes wonder if I wasn’t there, who would have done all this work? Would there even still be a youth?

And at that time, I was very annoyed at people who told me that I should be happy serving. That I should enjoy it. What was enjoyable about this? Sure that was spiritual joy, but there certainly wasn’t any happiness in the way the word is usually tossed around in this day. To me what kept me there was merely my conviction that I was doing my duty to God. Duty isn’t even probably the right word, because I truly believed that my whole life was already ‘sold’ to God, and I had no right to not serve his kingdom in this particular area of need. I was honestly glad to be done when I graduated from the youth.

And since then, I have served in many other capacities, as a sound man, as a YAF committee member, and now as a cell group leader, but I would say that nothing was as formative as my experience leading the youth from 15-18.

And I have seen and heard so much nonsense in this church. From having not one but two youth pastors leave in a matter of months, to the hypocrisy and moral failure of some leaders, its no surprise that I find it very hard to accord (in general) leaders and pastors with the same level of respect that many others think we should accord them. To me they are no more special than any other person. I do remember that when the second pastor left after a few months, in fact a day or 2 before he announced it to the congregation, Ezekiel 34 popped up in my daily bible reading schedule. Interpret of that what you will, for I certainly did.

I believe that for those that are acquainted with me, they will know that God has given me certain personality traits, for better or for worse, that I struggle with. For one, I believe God has implanted within me a love for the truth, to debate with others on what is the truth, and the spirit to criticise anything and anyone that I feel to be doing wrong. I can be very blunt, I can be very uncaring about peoples feelings and opinions if I find them to be wrong, I can be hot-headed when it comes to certain topics. I tend to not give a shit about what people think about me, and I really couldn’t be cared less if I do or say something that is unpopular. I do realise that these are things that I should improve on, especially to have Love colour every single thing that I do in the manner that Paul talks about in Corinthians, but I do believe that God has given me these traits deep down for a reason, to use them in the extension of his kingdom.

(As a side note, I must say that I do love God first and foremost, and I love his church as well. Its just that my actions might not always reflect that love in a way that can be seen to the majority of people.)

For how do I view my Christian walk? As a Christian, and as a servant, and if I ever serve again as a leader, I see myself only accountable to one person. God. Nothing else can compromise that. Absolutely nothing else. For he died for me, and he is my God. My entire life should and must be centred on interpreting what I think he wants me to do, and to please him in my life. While I do realise and admit I am not always sure of what is the right thing to do, I will not hesitate to question anybody whose arguments are not watertight on what they think is the right thing to do. I will not hesitate to question anybody whose arguments seem to be based on things outside of the bible. For my love for God always comes first. If you would ask me what my favourite books in the Bible are, I would always reply with Isaiah, Ezekiel, and Jeremiah. Why? Those prophets deeply resonate within me. For those prophets were all outcasted from society, and were commanded to proclaim prophesies that were contrarian to what everyone else was saying. God gave them messages that they could not help but proclaim, knowing that they were accountable to no one but God alone, and to use Ezekiels words, they were the ‘Watchmen of Israel’, and God would hold them accountable if they did not proclaim his message.

You might be asking why have I been talking so much about topics that seem to be so random. To synthesize everything together, this is because knowing where my views on service and leadership comes from does require me to tell you this long story. My service is not to BBPC, not because I find serving fun, and certainly not because I enjoy power. I serve because God has served me first, and he calls me to follow him. And I really do not have the choice to say no if there is a need. If someone comes up to me and says “There is a need, and can you do it?” I don’t think I really have the right to say no unless the circumstances demand that I cannot, like for example I will not be in Singapore ect. But I can tell you that I will not volunteer to do things. For did Moses volunteer to lead the Israelites out of Egypt? No! God came upon him with a burning bush that was not consumed and commanded him to lead his people. And he did not give him a choice, regardless of whether he was prepared or not. That is a perfect way of how I have seen and experienced my service to him in my formative years, and how I view service to him now.

But as I serve, do not expect me to mould into what you think service or a leader should be. I am not saying I am unteachable, far from that. I want to be taught! But I will not accept any teaching that isn’t founded on the Bible, and that is structurally flawed. For an example of what this might look like in practise, I know that the synod in Singapore does have strict rules on when we can strip someone of their eldership, only in the case of apostasy or sexual sin. But I look to the bible to tell me what traits an elder should have. For example, in Titus, an elder must be blameless, the husband of but one wife, a man whose children believe and are not open to the charge of being wild and disobedient. If I do see an elder who does not live up to this, I will not hesitate to tell people I do not believe that he is not an elder in Gods eyes. Don’t expect me to close ranks behind leadership. I do not condemn elders that fail to live up to this. Far from that. I earnestly seek their ‘redemption’ and their transformation to become more Godly people. But until that time, I do not believe they should hold the title of elder.

Don’t let this pain a poor picture of me tho. 99% of the time you will not see this side of me. But I want to warn everybody that in those 1% of situations, where this behaviour emerges, do not be surprised. Do not think ‘When did Jonathan become like that?’, for I was always like this. And I think you people should be aware of this.